My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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