She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
