We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
