return my video game
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
