I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
