You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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