Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
