The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
