We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
