I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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