clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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