There was a lot of him and a little penis
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
