I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
