Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Redeem this text for a blowjob
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
