We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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