I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
