What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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