My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
