she looked like the bat from fern gully.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
areolas are like halos for boobs.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Come on in and take your pants off
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