Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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