I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
