my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
