I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
