Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
