Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
