New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
