we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
