Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Randomize
