I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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