I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
