he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
