best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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