He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
