i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
