He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
