god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
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