I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
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