my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
