Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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