I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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