everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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