Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
