You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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