Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
