New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
