Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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