In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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