If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
