why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
