Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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