i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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