i jhust puked up my retainher.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
