then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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