soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Randomize
