so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
